I used to have a blog on blogspot before, but I lost the URL. It had been a while since I wrote an entry. But I decided tonight that it was time that I do. Because I miss those nights were I'd stay up late just to type something nobody would ever see. It's something personal, for me, just to reflect on. And maybe someday someone will come across it. Maybe that person will be effected by what I write, maybe not. Maybe someone won't think I'm totally crazy. But you know what, if they do, that's okay. I know my feelings for some things are real. I may be a naive 15 year old sometimes, but I'm not a total imbecile. My mind works in many ways.
One of the main purposes for this blog is for me to express my thoughts. That's what I do a lot -- I think. I think about life, love, peace, everything. I'm scatterbrained. And I'm not the type of person to write a poetic blog that takes hours to decipher. This blog will be straightforward and easy to read. It's my thoughts. I'm not writing to impress anybody, because I don't think my writing is interesting enough to keep a person captivated enough to read it. But I am a writer, or so I tell myself, so I'm not going to write random, pointless things. Life is short, the universe is vast. It's meant to be thought about. It's meant to be questioned. It's meant to be believed.
At the moment, I'm sitting at my laptop in my living room, the album From Under The Cork Tree by Fall Out Boy playing from my iTunes. I have just had some friends leave because it's getting late. The family is asleep, so I have time to think. Right now, I'm thinking about the prime years of my life. I don't know when they will happen. I don't know if I'm living them now. Life lately has sucked quite a bit, but you know, maybe it makes me a better person. Maybe I can benefit from the death of my grandfather or the loss of a friend, as terrible as it sounds. I don't want to look back on this part of my life as an idiot teenager, sulking and suffering and being emo. Life can be tough, and there will always be obstacles until the day I die. The way I react to things shows the type of person I am. I've already been told I'm mature beyond my years, but I'm sure I can mature more. Just because I'm just a kid it doesn't mean I can't take matters into my own hands. Nobody has control over my life but me and G-d. Now, don't think me a total anarchist. I do follow the directions of adults when I know that they are right and they are trying to steer me to the right place, because after all, they have been there before while I'm still learning. But if I know what they're doing is wrong, then of course I'm going to take a stand. Because that's what people true to themselves do.
And that's what I want to be more than anything.
