Moriah is one of my best friends. We have had so many memories and I love her so much. But this year, she's been hanging with a different crowd. That's fine with me. I'm in fact also friends with a lot of the kids she hangs out with and they're awesome. I'm happy she found such a nice group of friends. But I guess my issue is that I'm jealous. Jealous of many things.
Jealous because she found her intimate group of friends and I still don't know where mine is.
Jealous because it seems like she has everything going for her.
Jealous because even though she loved and lost, she still loved while I'm still in the shadows.
Jealous because she likes them better than me.
Jealous that she can confront them about more things than she can with me.
I'm a terrible "best friend." I know she still likes me and still is friends with me, I'm just still so fucking jealous of her other friends. It's horrible. I'm the worst excuse for a friend ever. I'm selfish and I'm greedy. But I love Moriah. She's a sweetheart and she always makes my day. I just wish I had that close knit group of friends like she does, instead of having friends all over, though there's nothing wrong with that.
This year, she came out. She's a bisexual. She was dating one of my other friends and I never knew, because she never told me. I'm fine with homosexuality, but I was so upset that she told everyone but me. When I found out from her girlfriend/my other friend, I confronted her about it. And I just cried and cried. And she just looked at the ground. I know she still cares about me, and I know we're still good friends. But I'm just so fucking jealous of her. And I feel absolutely miserable.
Dear reader...I hope you do not think me selfish or constantly jealous. I don't think I am. I'm just jealous and full of emotion...full of anger. Anger at myself.
I hope things work out.
