7th grade.
There was a boy.
A cute boy.
A sweet boy.
A talented boy.
I consider him my first real crush, even though I liked a boy in 6th grade. For some reason, the boy in 6th grade didn't make me go head over heels in like like this boy did.
8th grade.
I stopped talking to this boy. We didn't have any classes together. But I still liked him so much. And I knew it was wrong but I just did. I couldn't stop thinking about him, going all out to get him to notice me.
9th grade.
I still liked him. I asked him to homecoming, but he never gave me an answer. Then, a few months later I heard that a girl I knew asked him to Snowball and he said yes. And then they apparently made out afterwards.
This is what broke my heart.
I liked this girl, and I ended up becoming closer friends with her. But I cried so hard, not because he went to Snowball with that one girl, but because I knew that he was the only boy that I had ever had such strong feelings for, and he could never like me back.
I know now how naive I was, how I considered the fact that I was in love but now I know it was merely the pain of an intense, unrequited crush. By the end of my freshman year, I was completely over him. I realized how silly it was, and how we'd never make it anyway. I don't dislike this boy, I respect him a lot more than I did when I still liked him I think. Back then, I was hanging onto his every word, every glance. But now that my head is clear and I've moved on, I've realized that he taught me a lot. A lot about crushes and boys. And he broke my heart, which I now don't regret even happening. It forced me to move on, even though I had tried multiple times in the past, this hurt drove me and inspired me.
We don't talk much anymore, but I still hold the utmost respect for him. He showed me how strong I really can be. And now I realize I can't have a boy dragging me down. If a boy wants to be with me and I want to be with him, so be it. But I can't hold myself down with unrequited crushes. I was weak and naive for three long years. And now I am free from the burden of hurt and infatuation.
And it feels fucking great.
