I wouldn't end up writing 5+ page long sex scenes in my free time. :| It's not like I even want to have sex anytime soon, much less have a boyfriend.
I'm not ready for a relationship. It makes me sad to think that, because I'm 15, you'd think I would be. I'm scared. I don't want to get rejected, I don't want my heart broken. I'm waiting for that special person. I wonder if he'll ever come.
That's what I get, reading romance novels and watching sappy movies. I blame Nicholas Sparks, who writes pretty damn good romances for a straight guy. It's all his fault.
That's it. Blame him for my shitty/nonexistant love life, that's even more pathetic than writing sex scenes at midnight. Would it be easier to blame myself? If I only knew. What did I do to be the last one of my friends to do anything? Hell, Melody is even thinking of having sex with Ryan. I don't plan on having sex, but that's wayy farther than I've ever gone. I haven't been kissed, nor have I been on a date. Dammit, no guy has even LIKED me as more than a friend, except possibly Jesse, who ended up being a total jerkface anyway.
But maybe, just maybe, God has other plans in store for me. Maybe he expects my first kiss, my first love, to be the one, or something sappy like that. Maybe, when my time comes, it will be even more special than what my friends have. Maybe I'm lucky. Maybe it's just a test.
So in short, life is the way it's supposed to be. If I try to change that, I'll be messing with fate, destiny, or whatever you want to call it. And who wants to do that?
Gahh I really need to stop reading romances.
