Monday, August 18, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Finality.
It's done. This will be my last blog post before I post the link to the new blog. I'm creating it tonight . You know, I'm actually kind of sad that I'm getting a new blog. I'm not quitting, but I'm just starting over. I've had a lot of memories made with this blog. Tonight, I'm going to post excerpts from some memorable entries on this blog.
March 31st
"The worst part was watching the two air force officers folding the flag that was over his casket and giving it to my grandma. That was probably the hardest thing for me to watch, ever. At first, I didn't understand what they were doing. But when the officer knelt down in front of my grandma and handing the flag to her, in a moment of utter silence...it was absolutely unbearable. I had seen that being done in movies, at the funerals of the young and brave killed at war. I had never actually experienced that. My grandpa was not young or killed at war, but it was brave. He served in the United States Air Force during the Korean War."
April 22
"Dear Jesse,
I miss who you were at the beginning of this semester. When I mattered. When I was your friend, instead of a piece of meat. Just another chick to flirt with, to lie to, to walk all over."
May 22
""Life is the way it should be."
I've recently come to that mindset, and I think that if I stick with it, I'll be much happier."
June 9
"We don't talk much anymore, but I still hold the utmost respect for him. He showed me how strong I really can be. And now I realize I can't have a boy dragging me down. If a boy wants to be with me and I want to be with him, so be it. But I can't hold myself down with unrequited crushes. I was weak and naive for three long years. And now I am free from the burden of hurt and infatuation.
And it feels fucking great."
July 17
"I'm growing up.
I may not get any taller or my boobs any bigger, but mentally, there is always more growing up I need to do."
August 10
"I've always wondered when my time to play that song will come. My biggest goal in life is to be somebody. To be special. To be more than a name, or a face in the crowd."
This is not the end. This is not goodbye. This is hello, and welcome to a new year.
Thanks, little blog, for being there for me.
March 31st
"The worst part was watching the two air force officers folding the flag that was over his casket and giving it to my grandma. That was probably the hardest thing for me to watch, ever. At first, I didn't understand what they were doing. But when the officer knelt down in front of my grandma and handing the flag to her, in a moment of utter silence...it was absolutely unbearable. I had seen that being done in movies, at the funerals of the young and brave killed at war. I had never actually experienced that. My grandpa was not young or killed at war, but it was brave. He served in the United States Air Force during the Korean War."
April 22
"Dear Jesse,
I miss who you were at the beginning of this semester. When I mattered. When I was your friend, instead of a piece of meat. Just another chick to flirt with, to lie to, to walk all over."
May 22
""Life is the way it should be."
I've recently come to that mindset, and I think that if I stick with it, I'll be much happier."
June 9
"We don't talk much anymore, but I still hold the utmost respect for him. He showed me how strong I really can be. And now I realize I can't have a boy dragging me down. If a boy wants to be with me and I want to be with him, so be it. But I can't hold myself down with unrequited crushes. I was weak and naive for three long years. And now I am free from the burden of hurt and infatuation.
And it feels fucking great."
July 17
"I'm growing up.
I may not get any taller or my boobs any bigger, but mentally, there is always more growing up I need to do."
August 10
"I've always wondered when my time to play that song will come. My biggest goal in life is to be somebody. To be special. To be more than a name, or a face in the crowd."
This is not the end. This is not goodbye. This is hello, and welcome to a new year.
Thanks, little blog, for being there for me.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Indesicion.
I know what I want out of life, long term.
But what do I want out of life, short term?
Shouldn't I be itching for something more than what I have?
Maybe it's just usual summer buzz. No boys, no school work, therefore no pressure.
But in all honesty, do I even want anything more out of life? Of course, there are certain things I wouldn't mind having. But I could do without. You know what I mean? I wouldn't mind having a boyfriend, but I could do without at the moment. I'm sure in a week and a half, once school starts things will be different.
I wish they wouldn't be.
P.S. this boy inspires me daily
But what do I want out of life, short term?
Shouldn't I be itching for something more than what I have?
Maybe it's just usual summer buzz. No boys, no school work, therefore no pressure.
But in all honesty, do I even want anything more out of life? Of course, there are certain things I wouldn't mind having. But I could do without. You know what I mean? I wouldn't mind having a boyfriend, but I could do without at the moment. I'm sure in a week and a half, once school starts things will be different.
I wish they wouldn't be.
P.S. this boy inspires me daily
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
<3
I can't believe summer is almost over. Where did it go? This was an amazing summer. Here are some of my favorite memories:
- My party. A ton of my friends together just chilling and hanging at the park. We ran through the sprinklers and got all wet, and rolled down the hill. We also tried sliding down the hill in a sleeping bag.
- Warped Tour! Meeting The Academy Is... was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I still get all giggly when I think about it. And almost dying in the pit, oh my goodness, I was so happy even though I was scared shitless.
- Walking by myself at night on the 4th of July, listening to Jack's Mannequin.
- That one day I spent with Olivia. We went to the mall and chilled out, then we went to the park and called a dating hotline, and then we went to these people's house that I was house-sitting at the time and looked through all of their stuff and broke the banister. So much fun.
- The entire Wyoming trip. Julie and I flirting with those ugly guys and playing tip-cup with the hot baseball team next door. Rafting was so much fun too.
- The Breaking Dawn release. Meeting all those cute Harry Potter boys at the party was amazing. It still makes me smile. And staying up for almost two days reading it. Being awake to see the sunrise. Amazing.
- The other night, when I was alone laying in my backyard looking at the sky and waiting for meteors. I was listening to Jack's Mannequin, texting friends and feeling so infinite. Then that freaky meteor thing streaked across the sky, so big I saw flames. That was amazing.
Hopefully, there are more memories to come.
In a few days, I'm getting a new blog on livejournal. I'll miss this blog but like I said, it's time to go out with the old and in with the new. I think I've decided on a title, it might change but for now this is what it's going to be:
You gave me the best mixtape I have
And even all the bad songs ain't so bad
From the song Mixtape by Butch Walker. That song gives me the chills. It's beautiful.
I'm going to miss summer so fucking much.
- My party. A ton of my friends together just chilling and hanging at the park. We ran through the sprinklers and got all wet, and rolled down the hill. We also tried sliding down the hill in a sleeping bag.
- Warped Tour! Meeting The Academy Is... was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I still get all giggly when I think about it. And almost dying in the pit, oh my goodness, I was so happy even though I was scared shitless.
- Walking by myself at night on the 4th of July, listening to Jack's Mannequin.
- That one day I spent with Olivia. We went to the mall and chilled out, then we went to the park and called a dating hotline, and then we went to these people's house that I was house-sitting at the time and looked through all of their stuff and broke the banister. So much fun.
- The entire Wyoming trip. Julie and I flirting with those ugly guys and playing tip-cup with the hot baseball team next door. Rafting was so much fun too.
- The Breaking Dawn release. Meeting all those cute Harry Potter boys at the party was amazing. It still makes me smile. And staying up for almost two days reading it. Being awake to see the sunrise. Amazing.
- The other night, when I was alone laying in my backyard looking at the sky and waiting for meteors. I was listening to Jack's Mannequin, texting friends and feeling so infinite. Then that freaky meteor thing streaked across the sky, so big I saw flames. That was amazing.
Hopefully, there are more memories to come.
In a few days, I'm getting a new blog on livejournal. I'll miss this blog but like I said, it's time to go out with the old and in with the new. I think I've decided on a title, it might change but for now this is what it's going to be:
You gave me the best mixtape I have
And even all the bad songs ain't so bad
From the song Mixtape by Butch Walker. That song gives me the chills. It's beautiful.
I'm going to miss summer so fucking much.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Lying outside under a meteor shower.
Dark Blue, by Jack's Mannequin
I have, I have you
breathing down my neck, breathing down my neck
I don't, don't know
what you could possibly expect under this condition so
I'll wait, I'll wait for the
ambulance to come, ambulance to come
Pick us up off the floor
what did you possibly expect under this condition
So slow down,
this nights a perfect shade of
Dark blue, dark blue
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning and burning down
Dark blue, dark blue
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning
'til there's nothing but dark blue
Just dark blue-huee
And this flood, this flood is slowly rising up,
swallowing the ground beneath, my feet.
Tell me how anybody thinks under this condition so
I'll swim, I'll swim as the water rises up sun is sinking down and now
All I can see are the planets in a row suggesting it's best that I
Slow down this nights a perfect shade of
Dark blue, dark blue
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning and burning down
Dark blue, dark blue
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning dark blue
We were boxing,
we were boxing the stars
We were boxing (we were boxing)
you were swinging for Mars
And then the water reached the west coast
And took the power lines, the power lines
And it was me and you (lights over my) and the whole town underwater
There was nothing we could do
And it was dark blue
Dark blue, dark blue
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning and burning down
Dark blue
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning now there's nothing but dark blue
If you've ever been alone you'll know dark blue
If you've ever been alone you'll know, you'll know
I have, I have you
breathing down my neck, breathing down my neck
I don't, don't know
what you could possibly expect under this condition so
I'll wait, I'll wait for the
ambulance to come, ambulance to come
Pick us up off the floor
what did you possibly expect under this condition
So slow down,
this nights a perfect shade of
Dark blue, dark blue
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning and burning down
Dark blue, dark blue
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning
'til there's nothing but dark blue
Just dark blue-huee
And this flood, this flood is slowly rising up,
swallowing the ground beneath, my feet.
Tell me how anybody thinks under this condition so
I'll swim, I'll swim as the water rises up sun is sinking down and now
All I can see are the planets in a row suggesting it's best that I
Slow down this nights a perfect shade of
Dark blue, dark blue
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning and burning down
Dark blue, dark blue
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning dark blue
We were boxing,
we were boxing the stars
We were boxing (we were boxing)
you were swinging for Mars
And then the water reached the west coast
And took the power lines, the power lines
And it was me and you (lights over my) and the whole town underwater
There was nothing we could do
And it was dark blue
Dark blue, dark blue
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning and burning down
Dark blue
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning now there's nothing but dark blue
If you've ever been alone you'll know dark blue
If you've ever been alone you'll know, you'll know
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Go USA!
I was watching the men's 400 yrd relay and for a while, USA was lagging behind. Then we caught up, but we were still behind France. About 4 of the 8 teams were just killing the world record like none ever. France and the US were so close together you'd have to look very close to see who was ahead. At the very end, I was sure France would get the gold. But no, I couldn't believe my eyes when they both touched and it said that the US got FIRST. WE WON BY .08 OF A SECOND. I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT. FACEBOOK STATUSES ARE EXPLODING, IT'S ALREADY ON THE NEWS. THIS ONLY HAPPENED ABOUT 20 MINUTES AGO! I was jumping up and down, eyes wide, screaming, yelling, pulling out my hair. It was crazy.
But I think the part that touched me the most about tonight was after all the replays, the award ceremony, and the commentator's thoughts, they showed a montage of the US team's faces when they won. The music was Time of My Life by David Cook.
Whenever I hear that song, I always come close to tears. Those boys on that team are so special. They'll remember that moment for the rest of their lives. It's their time for fame. I'm so proud to say they're from my country.
I've always wondered when my time to play that song will come. My biggest goal in life is to be somebody. To be special. To be more than a name, or a face in the crowd.
I’ve been waiting for my dreams
To turn into something
I could believe in
And looking for that
Magic rainbow
On the horizon
I couldn’t see it
Until I let go
Gave into love and watched all the bitterness burn
Now I’m coming alive
Body and soul
And feelin’ my world start to turn
And I’ll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time,
This is the time
To be more than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life
Holding onto things that vanished
Into the air
Left me in pieces
But now I’m rising from the ashes
Finding my wings
And all that I needed
Was there all along
Within my reach
As close as the beat of my heart
and I’ll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time,
This is the time to be
More than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life
And I’m out on the edge of forever
Ready to run
I’m keeping my feet on the ground
Arms open wide
Face to the sun
I’ll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time,
This is the time to be
More than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life
More than a name
Or a face in the crowd
This is the time
This is the time of my life.
This is the time of my life.
But I think the part that touched me the most about tonight was after all the replays, the award ceremony, and the commentator's thoughts, they showed a montage of the US team's faces when they won. The music was Time of My Life by David Cook.
Whenever I hear that song, I always come close to tears. Those boys on that team are so special. They'll remember that moment for the rest of their lives. It's their time for fame. I'm so proud to say they're from my country.
I've always wondered when my time to play that song will come. My biggest goal in life is to be somebody. To be special. To be more than a name, or a face in the crowd.
I’ve been waiting for my dreams
To turn into something
I could believe in
And looking for that
Magic rainbow
On the horizon
I couldn’t see it
Until I let go
Gave into love and watched all the bitterness burn
Now I’m coming alive
Body and soul
And feelin’ my world start to turn
And I’ll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time,
This is the time
To be more than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life
Holding onto things that vanished
Into the air
Left me in pieces
But now I’m rising from the ashes
Finding my wings
And all that I needed
Was there all along
Within my reach
As close as the beat of my heart
and I’ll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time,
This is the time to be
More than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life
And I’m out on the edge of forever
Ready to run
I’m keeping my feet on the ground
Arms open wide
Face to the sun
I’ll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time,
This is the time to be
More than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life
More than a name
Or a face in the crowd
This is the time
This is the time of my life.
This is the time of my life.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
"You can't put a limit on anything. The more you dream, the farther you get."
Quote by Michael Phelps, Olympic Gold medalist.
So yeah, today was a very good day. I went shopping with my mommy and I got my hair cut. PacSun is having this epic sale on jeans (2 for $55!) and I swear by PacSun jeans, so of course I was there. Haha. I bought two pairs, in denim: a pair of venice skinny jeans and a pair of laguna bootcut jeans. I love them. I also bought the most adorable bag EVER for school.
I also cut 10 inches off my hair. It's so short and bouncy now -- I love it! It reflects my bubbly, boyish personality but isn't so short I look like a man.
Good day. :)
16 days left of summer.
So yeah, today was a very good day. I went shopping with my mommy and I got my hair cut. PacSun is having this epic sale on jeans (2 for $55!) and I swear by PacSun jeans, so of course I was there. Haha. I bought two pairs, in denim: a pair of venice skinny jeans and a pair of laguna bootcut jeans. I love them. I also bought the most adorable bag EVER for school.
I also cut 10 inches off my hair. It's so short and bouncy now -- I love it! It reflects my bubbly, boyish personality but isn't so short I look like a man.
Good day. :)
16 days left of summer.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
But I'm gonna take you to my boxcar on the beach.
Tonight has been a good day. A very good day.
My dad and I had a bit of an argument this morning, but we got it sorted out after a few tears. I really love my dad. Then, he decided to make it up to me by taking me to the grocery store and buying sugar and chocolate chip cookies and strawberry ice cream. We also bought little $1 Ben & Jerry's tubs that were delicious. We sat in the car, not saying anything, just eating, outside of the grocery store once we were done. Then we went home and used the cookies and ice cream to make ice cream sandwiches, which were a success and very delicious.
Then Talia came over and we sat in my room, looking through my yearbook and pointing out the people we love and the people we hate. Then we discovered that Ringo in the Beatles poster above my bed looked like Josh, which was both creepy and funny haha. Then we realized it was raining, so we ran downstairs and outside and were dancing in it. It was so much fun. I love her. She is such a sweetheart and always puts you in a good mood. She's so sweet and pure, but not to the point where she's prude. Whenever I hang out with her, I always leave feeling like a good person.
Afterwards, we were talking on facebook with Josh, who is pretty much amazing. I miss him, it's been too long.
About 5 minutes ago, I made amends with Kella. I know, right? Crazy. But she's really an awesome girl, even though she makes some mistakes. I'm way jealous of her and I know I shouldn't be.
Now I'm having a conversation with Jess about crappy romance novels and the sex scenes they contain. Haha.
I love my life.
My dad and I had a bit of an argument this morning, but we got it sorted out after a few tears. I really love my dad. Then, he decided to make it up to me by taking me to the grocery store and buying sugar and chocolate chip cookies and strawberry ice cream. We also bought little $1 Ben & Jerry's tubs that were delicious. We sat in the car, not saying anything, just eating, outside of the grocery store once we were done. Then we went home and used the cookies and ice cream to make ice cream sandwiches, which were a success and very delicious.
Then Talia came over and we sat in my room, looking through my yearbook and pointing out the people we love and the people we hate. Then we discovered that Ringo in the Beatles poster above my bed looked like Josh, which was both creepy and funny haha. Then we realized it was raining, so we ran downstairs and outside and were dancing in it. It was so much fun. I love her. She is such a sweetheart and always puts you in a good mood. She's so sweet and pure, but not to the point where she's prude. Whenever I hang out with her, I always leave feeling like a good person.
Afterwards, we were talking on facebook with Josh, who is pretty much amazing. I miss him, it's been too long.
About 5 minutes ago, I made amends with Kella. I know, right? Crazy. But she's really an awesome girl, even though she makes some mistakes. I'm way jealous of her and I know I shouldn't be.
Now I'm having a conversation with Jess about crappy romance novels and the sex scenes they contain. Haha.
I love my life.
Monday, August 4, 2008
"I wonder what pirates were like. I mean were they friendly, were they like Johnny Depp, or you know..."
I was being an idiot yesterday. I need to shut the hell up and move on. Sit up straight and do something other than put myself down.
By the way, the new blog is coming very soon. I need opinions on the title for the new blog. Note the trend in ATL lyrics, haha.
Email your opinions to me at rocketsteady@comcast.net, thanks.
1. I said before you ask which way to go
remember where you've been.
2. Give up and let go
I'm just a girl with a dream
3. I know, I know, I know
That there's a place for me somewhere out there
By the way, the new blog is coming very soon. I need opinions on the title for the new blog. Note the trend in ATL lyrics, haha.
Email your opinions to me at rocketsteady@comcast.net, thanks.
1. I said before you ask which way to go
remember where you've been.
2. Give up and let go
I'm just a girl with a dream
3. I know, I know, I know
That there's a place for me somewhere out there
Sunday, August 3, 2008
So I'm getting all emo again.
Bleh. My self confidence is at an all time low. Again. I need to stop doing this to myself. I need to stop caring about what boys think. I need to stop getting my hopes up and fantasizing because I know the more I do that, the less likely it will happen.
I'm starting to get numb again. I need to stop doing this.
safdhsjkhfsd
I need someone to make me smile.
I'm starting to get numb again. I need to stop doing this.
safdhsjkhfsd
I need someone to make me smile.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
My dog was put to sleep today.
RIP Ted :(
I've been in a shitty mood all day.
I haven't slept in 30-some hours and there's a possibility that I'm running a fever. I'm so tired.
I haven't eaten anything all day, except for a granola bar that I forced myself to eat, because I'm not going to starve myself. My appetite has just disappeared lately.
I'm sitting here staring at his food cupboard, still in shock. I was a mess this morning, before my parents took him to the vet, now it's like nothing fazes me. What's done is done. I feel like such an ass thinking that. I should be bawling like my mom has been doing. I'm just...numb, I guess? No, that's not it. I can feel myself exhausted and depressed, but I'm walking around like a zombie. Not really showing much emotion.
There are so many things I could say but I don't know how to say them.
I'm pretty disappointed in Breaking Dawn. I thought it would be so much better than it was. It wasn't bad, just a great disappointment for someone who spent so much time getting ready for the book release, making predictions and such.
Renaissance Fair tomorrow with Lia. I hope I'm in a better mood.
I've been in a shitty mood all day.
I haven't slept in 30-some hours and there's a possibility that I'm running a fever. I'm so tired.
I haven't eaten anything all day, except for a granola bar that I forced myself to eat, because I'm not going to starve myself. My appetite has just disappeared lately.
I'm sitting here staring at his food cupboard, still in shock. I was a mess this morning, before my parents took him to the vet, now it's like nothing fazes me. What's done is done. I feel like such an ass thinking that. I should be bawling like my mom has been doing. I'm just...numb, I guess? No, that's not it. I can feel myself exhausted and depressed, but I'm walking around like a zombie. Not really showing much emotion.
There are so many things I could say but I don't know how to say them.
I'm pretty disappointed in Breaking Dawn. I thought it would be so much better than it was. It wasn't bad, just a great disappointment for someone who spent so much time getting ready for the book release, making predictions and such.
Renaissance Fair tomorrow with Lia. I hope I'm in a better mood.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Early morning poetry
When the morning light fights through the cracks
cascading across the bed, and you are mine.
When your parents start to wake for work,
between the sheets, I’ll keep a watchful eye.
Right here, the best days of our lives.
Is this coincidence or a sign?
- After The Last Midtown Show, by The Academy Is...
I wrote this at about 1 AM this morning when I was freaking out about my dog getting put to sleep tomorrow. I've come to realize that I'm a shitty poet. I wish I could write as well as William Beckett, whose words I have sampled above.
Out there
Out in the cold, dark world
There is someone to lie with me,
To hold my hand,
And to tell me it's okay.
Someone who will return the blood to my cheeks
And pump it through my veins.
Warm my tired body
And make my day complete.
I do not know where he lives
Or how he spends his time
All I know in my heart is
That he will always be mine.
I don't like the final line, I'm having difficulties figuring what to put though. I'm working on it.
cascading across the bed, and you are mine.
When your parents start to wake for work,
between the sheets, I’ll keep a watchful eye.
Right here, the best days of our lives.
Is this coincidence or a sign?
- After The Last Midtown Show, by The Academy Is...
I wrote this at about 1 AM this morning when I was freaking out about my dog getting put to sleep tomorrow. I've come to realize that I'm a shitty poet. I wish I could write as well as William Beckett, whose words I have sampled above.
Out there
Out in the cold, dark world
There is someone to lie with me,
To hold my hand,
And to tell me it's okay.
Someone who will return the blood to my cheeks
And pump it through my veins.
Warm my tired body
And make my day complete.
I do not know where he lives
Or how he spends his time
All I know in my heart is
That he will always be mine.
I don't like the final line, I'm having difficulties figuring what to put though. I'm working on it.
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